very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
