my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
