she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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