I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
