Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
