he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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