We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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