Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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