I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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