i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
