i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I pour the whiskey from now on
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
