He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
