ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
