i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
