theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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