i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This is my gift to your gina
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
