I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
