I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
