The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize
