All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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