There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
