This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
