Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
