Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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