my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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