Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Randomize
