Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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