i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
