Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
