Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
