the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
3pm strippers are depressing
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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