I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
