Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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