I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
