how can u be prego again
look no pants
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Randomize
