you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
