no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
