the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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