why didn't you poke me back
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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