yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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