There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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