I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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