Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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