remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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