I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
