a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
