when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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