She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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