Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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