Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
