this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
