His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
