Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
