No, you can still breathe under the balls.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
