"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
