the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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