well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
