I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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