he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize