Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
