Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
