i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
