apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
