Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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