I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
