I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize