maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
