Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
