Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
