My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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