the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just puked most of my soul out..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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