At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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