Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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