I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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