my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
