I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize