I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Randomize
