I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
