he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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