ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
why do cheetos always look like penises
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
