KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
