she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize