I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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