I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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