even my farts smell like vagina
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
