we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
