Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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